Breaking: Campus security scrambling for solutions after frats change all party themes to “Camo”

Nabeel Jan, Staff Writer

LEWISBURG — Representatives for the University’s Public Safety security force shared early Monday that their field units were bewildered this weekend after finding no fraternity parties to cite. Hearing noise but seeing no students, officers drove in circles for most of the night, confused by the lack of dorm pre-games and downtown activity. Eventually figuring students were spending a Friday night in college safely alone in their rooms, officers returned to the Public Safety building and spent the night finally getting around to watching Netflix’s Bridgerton.

Patrolling St. Catherine’s St. as well as the surrounding areas, some persistent officers such as Sgt. Paul Ice were suspicious, until an informant told them that the frats had decided to universally change all party themes to “camouflage.” Inspired by their ability to blend in with their surroundings, the students successfully evaded sanction from the University and were able to happily drink lukewarm beer with no less than 50 of their unmasked friends in the midst of a pandemic.

Although the central idea was the same, some frats put their own spin on it. A couple opted for “Camo Trap House” and “Camo Space Western” while two others were apparently themed their parties “Cows Go CaMOO”, and “Camus” (partygoers came dressed as men blinded by the sun and rock-pushing Corinthian kings). The limitations on the intellect and creativity of party-deprived students are nonexistent.

An unnamed fraternity brother, who claims to have sparked the trend, said that the idea came from a conversation between him and a few friends the night before. Sitting on the floor of their dorm room at approximately 2 a.m., the students attempted to confront the dilemma before them; “why won’t they let us rage dude,” one cried, “when all 70 of us are being responsible with our own individual bubbles!” Before he could finish, another interjected, “I don’t know, man. If we could just make it so they can’t see us, then they, like, can’t bust us,” before entering a substance-induced coughing spasm. “To exist means you are perceived,” another sighed in the soft glow of his lava lamp. This was when the realization occurred. Standing up and shushing his disciples, our source said he pulled a camo shirt from his drawer and looked at his adoring followers. The rest is history. Public Safety has no comment on how they will resolve the matter in the future, but are exploring all options.

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