Seven reasons to make the switch to nocturnal living

Brigette Simpson , Satire Co-Editor

Almost 70 percent of mammals are nocturnal, which means they must know something we don’t. I wanted to see what the hype is all about, so I compiled a list of possible reasons why, as humans, being nocturnal would be better than being diurnal. 

  1. If it’s dark out, your face is less visible and therefore the need for makeup or cosmetic enhancements is much less, if not zero. Who are you trying to look nice for? The raccoons?
  2. All fun activities like driving, going to a party, drinking and eating dinner are the best when it’s dark out! It can’t be a coincidence.
  3. Dinner is the best meal, and it takes place at night. You can eat ANYTHING for dinner and it’s socially acceptable. You can even eat breakfast or lunch for dinner, too!
  4. Three words: less human interaction. If you’re an extrovert, this might be your worst nightmare, but for the introverted, this may be of interest to you.
  5. You can’t get sunburnt.
  6. The moon, stars and planets are visible at night! You could become a self-taught astronomer. Or an astrocartographer, but that would be pretty useless.
  7. You would probably start to develop night vision if you did this correctly for long enough, which would be a really cool “fun fact” about yourself for parties.

These reasons are all very convincing for why you should become nocturnal, but it’s important to remember that there is one very, very good reason why none of them matter: nothing will be open when you go to run your errands.

I’m also pretty sure anyone pledging a fraternity is already nocturnal since they all sleep through class but manage to never miss a social function. You could definitely ask them about it if you’re interested in becoming nocturnal.

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