University Introduces Hunger Games Based Competition for Year-Long Parking Space

Siobhan Nerz, Contributing Writer

While many have read Suzanne Collins’ best selling book series, “The Hunger Games”, few thought its dystopian universe would manifest itself on the University campus. However, this fiction has become reality as the University administration, in response to complaints about lack of student parking, has created an opportunity to win a free spot for the rest of the school year. 13 students started the competition, however the numbers dwindled as more people were eliminated every round. 

The first challenge was a familiar endeavor for many students as they were tasked with a 100 meter sprint to stop Public Safety from giving them a ticket. Despite the assumed ease of this round, many participants made the task difficult for each other as they engaged in extreme pushing. Additionally, many people wearing the iconic Katniss Everdeen side braids used their hair to whip their opponents.

The next competition tested the skills of students as they were timed driving around campus after classes ended. Although pedestrians did not have previous knowledge of the competition, they had an elevated sense of audacity when crossing the streets and proved to be an obstacle in the race. After this round, student Peeta Parker ’24 was eliminated due to a miscommunication of the instructions that misled the participant into thinking he got extra points for hitting students. Although Parker’s recklessness landed student Hope Ann Run ’25 in the hospital with a broken leg, Run has accepted the situation and commented, “At least I get a break from the cafe food for a while.”

The final round had the highest stakes as the first student to parallel park would win the year-long spot. Many people were eliminated for hitting the curb and cones. Student Doug Racer commented on the difficulty of the challenge and said, “Olivia Rodrigo can’t parallel park and neither can I.”

All in all, after this brutal yet thrilling competition, Marsha Jay ’24 has been announced as the winner. Thus, the University announced that she will park in President Bravman’s driveway. Although this location is out of the way for Jay who lives in Roberts Hall, the university has no other open spots, due to lack of funds and forethought.

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