Seahorses found missing from Bucknell pool; Water Polo Team most affected

Max Bean, Satire Content Editor

This past week, the Bucknell Invitational, featuring water-polo matchups between the Bucknell Bison, the John Hopkins University Doctors and the Fordham College Fords, was interrupted by a shocking and unbelievable crime. The prize seahorses that had been so vital for team play were missing from the water. The University Natatorium (or as some may colloquially know it, the University “pool”), held no clues to be found, aside from a small note which read “more oats”. This message may forever be a mystery. In the meantime, PSafe is combing every drop of water they could find in an effort to locate the missing animals. 

In the meantime though, the University’s regular polo team was kind enough to lend some of their gear to try and replace what was lost. Only time will tell how long these land-horses will last when not in their natural element. 

Fortunately, time was on the horses’ side. They performed well in the first game, netting the University a win against John Hopkins before freaking out in the second. Many riders from home turf fell from their steeds as the horses made a ruckus, splashing water everywhere. 

“Our team did alright,” University water polo player Ice Whim said. “We scored a lot of goals, which was cool because the horses gave us a height advantage. It’s just that second game threw us off, what with the horses freaking out and everything.”

“That second game was awful,” another player, Cenk R. Swem said. “I don’t know who started the rumor about the mouse, but it wasn’t funny! The horses just forgot they were neck deep in water, that’s all!”

After some more training with the horses, the University team later won the second day of the Invitational, with two straight wins. It turns out that six full-grown horses in a single swimming pool really can get results. The only question left to ask is, “how did the team get the horses out?” Another mystery for the ages, that is unless horses could climb ladders and nobody knew. 

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