Students who can’t sing form Sixth A Capella Group

Hayley Leopold, Contributing Writer

While parents were busy outdrinking their children at Super this past family weekend, another campus event took place that many overlooked — Christy’s A Cappella. At this musical performance, Bucknell’s six a cappella groups showcased their talents for all to enjoy at the Weis Center. The first five groups to perform (The Silhouettes, Two Past Midnight, Offbeats, Bison Chips, and Beyond Unison) moved the audience to tears with their inspiring renditions of pieces ranging in genre from Mozart’s 6th Symphony to Travis Scott’s “Sicko Mode”. However, the group that put on the most elaborate spectacle was none of the groups listed above. Bucknell’s newest a capella group, the Sharp Pitches, rose to the top of the aca-hierarchy because of one trait that distinguishes them from the other groups: none of the members can actually sing.

Sharp Pitches’ motto is “Our notes may be sharp, but so are we.” The members of the group feel that their attractive looks compensate for their lack of musical talent, so only the hottest kids on campus were permitted to join. 

In fact, the Sharp Pitches did not even sing any songs during their performance at Christy’s! Instead, they strutted across the stage and made Weis their runway while Beyonce’s “Fergalicious” played in the background. The spectators were so distracted by the Sharp Pitches’ dashing good looks, they completely disregarded the fact that the group had violated the only rule of a cappella by playing their music from a speaker rather than singing themselves.

After the success of their first performance, the Sharp Pitches received hundreds of emails from students who were desperate to join. However, they shared that they had already concluded auditions and were no longer accepting new members. Those accepted into Sharp Pitches worked extremely hard to obtain their spots, surviving through a grueling two-round audition process. 

The first round of auditions was the runway walking portion. To begin, prospective members were rated on how well they could attract attention to themselves as they walked back and forth. Their movements had to be smooth and brisk, as any stumbling resulted in immediate disqualification from the audition. 

For the style testing portion, the wannabe Pitches were allotted $80 each to generate a fashion-forward look using only items from the bookstore. Although most simply purchased a Bucknell sweatshirt and called it a day, only those who expressed creativity advanced to the next round. One such student was sophomore Spango Durango, who used his money to buy 16 packages of Post-It notes and designed his very own recyclable parka.

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