You’ve heard of Sunday Scaries. What about the other days?

Hayley Leopold, Satire Co-Editor

Now that we’re a few weeks into the semester, students are falling into a rhythm. Their sacred Google Calendars are set into stone, and their daily routines have formed. These routines are centered around campus-wide phenomena that occur each day. Here’s what happens at Bucknell throughout the week that you might not have noticed:

Sunday Scaries

Here at Bucknell, students live by the “work hard, play hard” mantra. Bucknellians are notorious for refusing to do homework on Fridays or Saturdays, leading them to the ultimate doom: The Sunday Scaries. Once students realize they have to wake up for their 8 a.m. class in less than 24 hours, they sprint to Bertrand and hastily complete their work.

Monday Munchies

Each Monday, students blaze it up in their rooms until they forget that it’s only the first day of the school week. Only after the weed stash depletes do the Monday Munchies creep in. Students are hit with a wave of hunger, so they utilize the common room kitchens to make ramen and Kraft Mac and Cheese.

TikTok Tuesdays

By the time Tuesday rolls around, Bucknell’s hardworking scholars are burnt out. To combat this, the University now requires that all classes be conducted via TikTok each Tuesday. Professors have been particularly fond of this scheduling adaptation. Rather than teaching in-person classes, they are only responsible for posting one TikTok video for every credit hour to summarize that day’s lessons.

W Wednesdays

Although all of Bucknell’s sports teams have stellar records, they sometimes experience painful losing streaks. That’s why Bucknell instituted W Wednesdays; all sporting events that occur on Wednesdays are rigged so that Bucknell wins. You may be wondering, how have our Division I coaches pulled off such a swindle? The answer is simple: the coaches bribe the referees and umpires with Flo Rida + Yung Gravy tickets.

Thrifty Thursdays

Since students drained their bank accounts to pay Bucknell’s tuition, they are always looking for ways to save an extra buck. Thus, Thrifty Thursdays were born to aid us broke college students writhing under the grips of capitalism. The shops in downtown Lewisburg offer a 90 percent discount on goods and services each Thursday to those who present their Bucknell IDs at the register.

Flyson Fridays

Students can only bear the same caf food for so many consecutive days. Good thing we have Flyson Fridays! On Fridays, all meal swipes are converted into Flyson Dollars that can be used to purchase the Flyson’s delicacies all day long rather than only during their usual 12–3 a.m. operating hours.

Saturslays

The day has finally arrived! Students on Saturdays transform into fashion icons, flaunting their Shein leather pants and flannels over hoodies at super. All of their worries disintegrate as they stomp to “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight).” Not to mention how hard the caf hits post-super, with half-eaten pizzas on the ground and left over jello shots thrown on the tables. Keep slaying, Bucknellians!

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