The term “frat rat” is normally used to describe a brother who is particularly invested in his fraternity and loves to party. Who knew the term would also describe the furry creatures living in the downtown houses?

Due to many health code violations, such as improper food storage and kitchen sanitation, the houses have attracted rats. Sources say the fraternities have been initiating the rats as pledges, but this has yet to be confirmed. Due to the dirty conditions, Bucknell has shut down off campus fraternity houses as they upgrade the living conditions. The fraternity boys are now temporarily living in the senior apartments.

Despite their living upgrade, the frat rats are upset by their new housing. Ray Gerr ’23 actually likes his house’s condition, commenting, “Sure there were bats, but they are nocturnal like us, so we got along fine.”

Likewise, Dirk Care ’23, asserted the pros of a sticky floor, saying, “The floor made a mean game of don’t touch the lava.”

Sorority girls also miss the downtown houses. Shirley Dunkin ’24, says she misses the sweaty, dirty parties, arguing they were like a free spa treatment with a sauna and mud bath. 

Many fraternities complained to Bucknell administration that they have no place to host social events. In response to the boys’ suffering, the University allowed fraternities to hold parties in academic buildings. Last weekend, frats mixed their drinks in the Rooke chemistry building. Partygoers say, due to the precision of the graduated cylinders, they had the best drinks they had ever received at a frat event.

One may expect the frats left the building a mess. However, Rooke was as clean as ever since the fraternities forced new pledges to wake up at 6 a.m. to clean the spilled drinks.

Fraternities have also been using the greenhouse on top of Rooke to grow mushrooms. Biology professors have even been helping to water the plants as they have yet to learn of the mushrooms’ hallucinogenic properties. 

The main party last weekend took place in the library. Frat boys picked the location because they heard it was a popular student gathering place. They did not realize that Bucknellians often spend long hours at the library to study. The event introduced many of the frat boys to this space, and some are even swearing they will come back to actually study.

Philip Flop ’23, commented, “Who knew Bucknell had this great building? If I knew we could party there, I would have come to the library earlier.”

Furthermore, the library mixer got a bit out of hand when students threw some books. Although one would expect librarians to get angry about the damaged property, they were actually pleased as they have never had such a large number of students pick up books for once. 

Overall, Bucknellians are curious where the next party will be hosted. Rumor has it that frats will hold their events in the Weis Music Hall so their generic Spotify playlists will have better resonance.