Bucknell Matchmaking goes wrong; only matches siblings

Aaron Chin, Satire Co-Editor

February, the season of love, can often be a time of happiness and joy for those with a significant other. However, for all of the singletons out there, this time of year can be tough to get through. Many people searching for love turn to online dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble to solve their relationship troubles. But don’t fret, Bucknellians, there is a more reliable source: Bucknell Matchmaking.

Bucknell Matchmaking is essentially the online equivalent of that one trustworthy, gossip-filled friend that swears they know the perfect person for you. And they do. All you have to do is scan one of the many QR codes around campus, fill out the form, and wait for your match! Some questions on the form included “Where on Bucknell’s campus would be the perfect first date?” and “Why is Bostwick the perfect place for a first date?”

Historically, Bucknell Matchmaking has been very successful. In fact, President Bravman actually met his wife, Wendelin Wright through Bucknell Matchmaking. Bravman has reported, “We are definitely the Wright fit for each other!”

This year, the matchmaking service’s results took a different turn, and many students have complained about their matches. For example, several students reported matching with their own siblings.

One freshman named Auld R. Cister had this happen to her. 

“I filled out the form just for fun,” explained Cister. “I was hoping to find a good, honest, and stand-up person. Instead, I got my sister!” Needless to say, Auld was shocked by this outcome.

The Cister sisters were just one of many cases. For example, there were also the Crother brothers and the Minh twins.

Mark Crother filled out the form three weeks ago, and was anxiously anticipating his match. He brought flowers and an ‘80s style boombox and even picked a song to blast outside the person’s dorm window. Unfortunately, he was appalled to see that his brother, Crocker Crother, came outside when he blasted “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Amanda Minh filled out the form in the hopes of finding her future wife, trying to live up to the quota of 1/5 of Bucknell students finding their spouse on campus. Instead, she was paired with her sister, who actually goes to Valentine University, and her dreams faded quickly. 

We interviewed the head of Bucknell Matchmaking, Felon Tusk, to get the scoop on this phenomenon.

“I can’t see why this is happening,” said Tusk. “We meticulously reviewed every single submission. We set up shop in the 7th Street Studio and Makerspace for a week. We called it the Match-Makerspace. We locked ourselves in there for a week, and I prohibited my workers from sleeping to maximize efficiency. I don’t see where I could have gone wrong!”

While Tusk and his team re-evaluate the issue, all we can do is hope it turns out better next year.

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