“Love Letters to Lewi” Misinterpreted, Louis’s Mailbox is Flooded

Hayley Leopold, Satire Co-Editor

Scrolling through Instagram, one seldom refreshes their feed without seeing photos of one of three things: super, sunsets or the quad. These posts always feature a group of girls crouched beside one another with their studded tumblers in hand. The Instagram homogeneity doesn’t stop at the scenery; their captions are always identical to one another. Of all the basic captions, the most used is the iconic “love letters to Lewi,” followed by some sort of heart emoji. 

When the mailroom workers were insta-stalking all of the students who received packages, they realized they all seemed to be sending letters to this unknown recipient in their captions. Who is Lewi? Why were so many students sending him love letters? They knew that Lewi must not be receiving these letters since they weren’t being sent out via Bucknell’s mail service. 

What a shame Lewi hasn’t been getting his endearing notes! Bucknell Mailroom Manager Q. Pidd was particularly unsettled by this. Pidd has been lonely since he found out his wife, fellow mailroom employee Val Entyne, was having an affair with one of Bucknell’s janitors and filed for a divorce. Pidd first brought all of his ex-wife’s belongings to the Switchboard. After he got his anger out, he decided to make it his goal to bring the love to others that he lacked in his own life. So, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, Pidd decided to send Lewi all of his missed letters to gift him with some love. 

To begin, Pidd printed images of every Bucknellian who captioned their Instagram post promising a loving note to our friend Lewi. He encased each image in a scented pink envelope and sealed each one with a kiss.

The next step was to find Lewi in Bucknell’s mailing system. Strangely enough, it didn’t appear that there were any students possessing this name. Perhaps Lewi is a townie, Pidd thought. After breaking into every private residence in Lewisburg, however, Pidd failed to find any documentation including this name. He would have to expand his scope. After scouring the internet, Pidd still found no evidence of Lewi. This all changed when he changed his search term from “Lewi” to “Louis” on Whitepages. After doing so, the following names and addresses were produced: 

Louis Vuitton; 431 Yellow Brick Road, Narnia, Ohio 17837.

King Louis XIV; 56 Sojka Pavilion, Neverland, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 90210.

These were clearly the intended recipients of the letters! The girls all must have coincidentally made the same typo in their posts.

Pidd addressed the hundreds of letters accordingly, placed them into the mailbox, and closed it with a smile.

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