“Fracket” has a whole new meaning now

Tyler Thrutchley, Contributing Writer

Jen. E Barber ’24 woke up on Friday morning with an idea that would lead to her claim to Bucknell fame. She would rob sorority members across the University of their most prized possession: their jackets. Since the jacket is the only article of clothing keeping them warm on the coldest of February nights, Barber’s masterful plan would heap revenge on the very people who blacklisted her from every sorority across Bucknell.

Her plan was simple; she would convince the entire school to come to the frats decked out in the nicest jackets they own. Barber followed an intense YikYak posting schedule to spread the word, which required her to post a new message every five minutes to maximize her audience. 

Her task was daunting. After all, rule number one in the Sorority Handbook explicitly states that “all sorority members must come equipped with a fracket so as to limit robbery and decrease the chance of lawsuits from angry sorority girls.”

However, Barber ignored the Sorority Handbook, and she managed to convince the entire student body that there would be a Winterfest on Saturday night at Fiji. According to the hundreds of YikYaks sent out that day, every girl was to come decked in ski goggles and their finest jacket, and they would be turned away at the door if they failed to do so.

Barber watched her plan come to fruition before her very eyes. By Saturday morning, the news of the supposed Winterfest had spread all over Instagram, Fizz and Snapchat! She couldn’t help but smile when she heard the two KKG girls in front of her at the Bison talking about the Louis Vuitton jackets they would be wearing at Winterfest.

That night, Barber and her friends disguised themselves as DG girls, convincing the frat brothers that their job for the night would be hanging up jackets when partygoers inevitably got too hot and took them off. They hid their identities by wearing ski goggles of their own.

By midnight, girls began removing their jackets, and Barber and her friends sprang into action. Despite assuring the girls that their jackets were in good hands, Barber’s crew waltzed up the steps and one by one began drenching each jacket in the barrel of jungle juice that was suspiciously stationed in a bedroom. They allowed the juice to dry for good measure, ensuring that the jackets were stained beyond repair.

Reveling in their victory, the four friends threw the soaked jackets onto the lawn, exited the party and began walking back to their apartment. The last thing they heard was an infuriated DG girl, screaming at the top of her lungs, “They turned my jacket into a fracket!”

(Visited 71 times, 1 visits today)