A creative response to Bucknell’s parking shortage

Tyler Thrutchley, Contributing Writer

It is a well-known fact that parking is scarce at Bucknell. Just about every student between the grades of sophomore and senior has had problems with parking on campus, ranging anywhere from a mere parking ticket to the occasional physical altercation with PSafe, often resulting in dire consequences for the unfortunate student.

It’s probably in the best interest of these students that the stories of their parking incidents are kept secret. Let’s instead turn our attention to Josie Bentley ’25, a student studying vehicular aviation. Josie had enough of the countless fines filed against her and decided it was time to develop an ingenious plan to ensure she would never be fined again.

Her plan would require her 2008 Honda Civic to take flight. As an aviation engineer, Bentley understood what was needed to lift heavy objects off the ground. After spending hours on eBay to ensure she acquired all the necessary parts, Bentley finally concluded she had all the pieces required to start the engineering process. She worked tirelessly to make sure her invention was flawless. After all, one misplaced part would cost her much more than any parking ticket could ever amount to. 

The manufacturing process was finally completed on one warm Spring morning, which she deemed was the perfect environment for her invention to be put on display. Students would be taking slow, leisurely strolls to their classes, and all eyes would be on her invention when it burst onto the scene.

The day started off normal for Bentley. She drove past Chief Morgan, maneuvered around the parking lot and concluded that there were no additional parking spots available. However, instead of illegally parking in the grass like she normally did, she exited the car and whipped a remote control device out of her pocket.

With the click of a button, and to the surprise of hundreds of surrounding Bucknellians, the decaying Honda Civic took flight! Watching her invention soar through the breeze, Bentley couldn’t help but grin as the memories of all the accumulated parking tickets flooded her mind. Bentley recalled to the Bucknellian her first thought: “Chief Morgan is going to get a load of this.” 

Bentley was right about this, but not in the way she had envisioned. Instead of reaching its calculated apex of approximately 132 feet, the flying Civic began its dismount early, and to Bentley’s horror, the lump of metal began plummeting towards the glass exterior of the management building. 

Before she knew it, Bentley’s “ingenious” invention had penetrated the walls of Holmes hall, with the screams of students and faculty alike filling the air. She peered over her shoulder, only to find a familiar sight: Chief Morgan furiously scribbling on his notebook.

This time, Bentley knew the consequences would be much graver.

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