Students fuse together at Makerspace’s Fused Glass event

Aaron Chin, Satire Co-Editor

The Seventh Street Studio and Makerspace is an excellent way for students on campus to unleash their creativity and artistic talents. From Milkshake and Paint Night to Make Your Own Mosaic DVD tray, the Makerspace really does it all. Recently, the Makerspace has also been delving into the world of fused glass.

While fused glass might seem like an obscure concept to some, it’s actually a very versatile material. In the past, the Makerspace has had a Fused Glass Vegetables Night, a Fused Glass Rings Night and a Fused Glass Birds and Bears Night. Most recently, they held a Fused Glass Succulents and Cacti Night, which had disastrous results.

The Succulents and Cacti Night started smoothly; students made wonderful looking cacti that didn’t even make you bleed when you touched them. However, one student Tape Raham Lincoln ’26 noticed something strange: students started to fuse together!

“It was so strange,” Tape Raham said. “It was like, all of a sudden, I lifted my arm and I was attached to this guy.” It turns out that guy was actually Tape’s long lost cousin, Iam Stuck.

The degree to which people were fused together varied. Some people were attached together right at the shoulder like conjoined twins, while others were barely fused together at all. One student named Harry Pitts ’26 reported that he was only fused to the other person by a single strand of armpit hair. 

“I hated it,” Pitts said. “My pit hair was yanked beyond belief. Look here, I still have a rash from where the hair was torn clean off!” (Our reporter declined to look at Pitt’s pits, so we can neither confirm nor deny this claim).

While Pitts was able to escape by plucking off his armpit hairs, others were not so lucky. Two students that were fused together, Sally Sticky and Jimmy Joined, tried to use scissors to cut themselves free – they were joined at the hips. Unfortunately, the only scissors around were ones that students 3D printed only halfway, rendering them utterly useless. 

Others embraced being fused together. A student named Knopf Rends ’25 reported, “I actually liked being fused with Harry Pitts. One could say that I just like Harry Pitts in general. It really seemed like we were going to be good friends. That was until he plucked our armpit hairs.”

The Makerspace reported that no students were harmed in any way during the event. They also said that all conjoined students were sent to Evangelical Community Hospital to be surgically detached if all other methods failed. Here’s hoping that all of the students make a speedy recovery!

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