The List: Things professors expect you to have for the first day of class

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor
September 1, 2016

  1. An eagerness to learn and an overall positive attitude toward getting up at the crack of dawn to listen to a lecture about something you may or may not be interested in.
  2. A fun fact that is both witty and intellectually stimulating. Bonus points if it reveals something about your deeply flawed character.
  3. Lilly Pulitzer planner (size may vary).
  1. A five-year plan that includes “and I’m taking this class because ____” (with the blank signifying that you’ve given your presence in the class more thought than just “it fits in my schedule”).
  2. A printed copy of the syllabus (with annotations if possible).
  3. An understanding that you will have to commit at least 12 hours a week to classwork just to get a C.
  4. A deep-seated sense of entitlement
  5. A medium iced coffee with caramel swirl from Dunkin’ Donuts
  6. Sunglasses on head and car keys in hand signifying to everyone that you have a car on campus
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