The List: Things professors expect you to have for the first day of class

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor

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  1. An eagerness to learn and an overall positive attitude toward getting up at the crack of dawn to listen to a lecture about something you may or may not be interested in.
  2. A fun fact that is both witty and intellectually stimulating. Bonus points if it reveals something about your deeply flawed character.
  3. Lilly Pulitzer planner (size may vary).
  1. A five-year plan that includes “and I’m taking this class because ____” (with the blank signifying that you’ve given your presence in the class more thought than just “it fits in my schedule”).
  2. A printed copy of the syllabus (with annotations if possible).
  3. An understanding that you will have to commit at least 12 hours a week to classwork just to get a C.
  4. A deep-seated sense of entitlement
  5. A medium iced coffee with caramel swirl from Dunkin’ Donuts
  6. Sunglasses on head and car keys in hand signifying to everyone that you have a car on campus
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