Student skips hot yoga, goes to downtown party instead

Samantha Nolle, Contributing Writer

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Citing a busy schedule and a penchant for multitasking, first-year student S. Whet ’20 opted to complete her weekly hot yoga routine on the dance floor of an undisclosed downtown house during the evening of Sept. 24.

Whet, who regrettably slept through her 8:30 a.m. alarm, missed Saturday morning’s “Sweaty Sunrise” class at the KLARC and was determined to continue her weekly exercise routine regardless of her misfortune.

“I feel blessed that there are so many fitness opportunities here,” Whet said post-workout, drenched in sweat and smelling strongly of bodily fluids and alcoholic beverages.

“If you miss a class at the KLARC, there’s no shortage of 105 degree rooms on this part of campus just waiting to be transformed into your own personal yoga studio,” Whet said.

Whet referenced the in-house upbeat music and complimentary refreshments as additional perks of working out at a downtown party. When asked for their opinions on Whet’s meditational zeal, partygoers either carried on with their canoodling up against the wall, or continued to erratically dance to that one song by The Chainsmokers that everyone is sick of.

Whet was last seen transitioning from child’s pose to downward-facing dog in a large puddle of unidentifiable liquid.

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