Squirrel internally debates whether or not to jump out and scare innocent student

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor

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Perched on the rim of the trash bin outside of Hunt Hall, local campus squirrel reportedly weighed his options as to whether or not he should jump out and scare the innocent student walking toward him.

“Should I jump out and scare her or should I just let her be?” the eight-year-old eastern gray squirrel thought to himself while stalking back and forth. “I could wait a little longer–let myself relax a bit.”

The impending decision grew more dire as she grew closer.

“This girl is alone, though. That’s great. They never get as scared when they’re with their friends. They shriek which is funny but then they calm down. It’s not as enjoyable,” the squirrel said.

At the time of reporting, the squirrel had not yet made a concrete decision.

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