“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.”

“I left my Namaste bracelet at CrossFit.”

“I mean, his reasoning made sense but also like not at all.”

“I don’t want to go to this stupid thing even though there’s gonna be pizza there.”

“Mayday, mayday it is confirmed: I did in fact declare the wrong major.”

“I don’t know if you saw my snaps of my dog over break…”

“You would be surprised by the number of friendships that have ended because they’re too obsessed with me.”

“Wait I’m scared to take my seven and a half shots because the PSAFE officer is over there.”

“She put all her eggs in my basket.”

“When is tax season, July?”

“Can I eat this cup of guac?”

**A note from the satire editors: Most of the sh*t we put in this section is fake. However, these quotes are 100 percent true. Send the sh*t you “overherd” to [email protected] or [email protected]!