‘News organizations’ abandon journalistic integrity, promote personality quizzes

Charles Beers, News Editor

This past week, a prestigious New York City-based news publication with a liberal slant and a three-letter acronym announced a new initiative for its summer publication schedule. In order to connect with youth culture, the website will move away from well-researched reports on national news and current events and focus more on interactive quizzes and lists.

“After a series of surveys distributed to college students across the country, we discovered that people don’t like reading anymore,” a representative from the newspaper said. “Not a single person actually answered the surveys.”

The publication plans on replacing its online content with personality quizzes within the next week. The first quiz, entitled “How white are you?” is set to launch on April 14.

“This will make people look at news in a whole new light,” a former news editor said. “I found out I am 92 percent white Hufflepuff.”

When asked about the future, former reporters from the three-letter-monikered news outlet expressed an interest in converting the online quizzes to a paper medium.

“Don’t ask me how this is going to work,” a representative said. “Journalism is basically dead.”

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