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University unveils plans for Academic North by Northwest in downtown Lewisburg

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

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In a surprising turn of events, the University formally announced its plans for expansion, unveiling blueprints for a new academic building centrally located in the heart of downtown Lewisburg. The new site will be named Academic North by Northwest, with construction starting as early as summer 2018.

When asked about the project, Bill Dinger, the lead designer and senior architect, expressed his enthusiasm for the expansion and the commencement of the “WE CAN” fundraising campaign.

“I think Academic NNW will be a delightful new addition to campus,” Dinger said. “We’re looking forward to start excavating the downtown area to make space for the building, including St. Catherine and 7th Street.”

The University’s stated goal is to build a 150,000-square-foot facility that stretches all the way from Vedder Hall to Bull Run Tap House. The building will offer a space for several new experimental majors, ranging from Elementary Quidditch to Street-Fighting Mathematics.

While the decision to act on the University’s right to westward expansion has received praise from both faculty and staff alike, some members of the student body are opposed to the project, claiming that the construction will completely eliminate any opportunities for downtown living.

“According to the blueprints, my bedroom would be some kid’s Quidditch stadium,” Chad Castle ’18, a member of the Beta Sigma Sigma Gamma fraternity and currently living in a downtown house, said. “Also, do I have to buy my broomstick or can I rent it?”

In response to the criticism, Dinger and his team have offered to leave rooms open for student apartments alongside the lab spaces, as well as host social events in the building throughout the weekend.

“Professors have already expressed an interest in giving weekend lectures all across downtown Lewisburg,” Dinger said. “The plans aren’t set in stone, but to me it sounds like a very super Saturday.”

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The weekly student newspaper of Bucknell University
University unveils plans for Academic North by Northwest in downtown Lewisburg