New tour guide headsets: why?

Ella Ri, Contributing Writer

The first month of the semester is officially over: sweater weather is here, the mailroom is still consistently packed, and most first-years have finally gotten the hang of doing their own laundry. While the student body has successfully settled into its routine, the University tour guides have had a little difficulty settling into theirs. As of this school year, the use of headsets is now mandatory for tour groups larger than one person.

Reactions to the new “Terminator”-esque gear have been mixed. Several anonymous tour guides have reported their concerns with being mocked by friends, crushes, and even prospective students themselves.

In a recent survey, 85 percent of tour guides responded that their friends refused to wave back while they were giving tours.

There have also been multiple sightings of squirrels scurrying away in fear of the robotic voice emitted when using the headsets. Over the last week, squirrels have completely evacuated the Grove, the Malesardi Quadrangle, and the trash can in front of Smith Hall D-Wing.

Since the implementation of the new technology, six tour guides have been blacklisted from Bertrand Library for being too disruptive. “We simply cannot have tour guides yelling out our library hours on the first floor,” Bertrand Library Specialist Dana Dell said. “These students are literally scaring away the peace and quiet of this fine institution, and we cannot tolerate this type of behavior any longer.”

On a more positive note, Princesston Review has crowned the University as number four on the “20 Liberal Arts Colleges with the ‘Most Extra’ Tours” list. “I am incredibly proud of this recognition, even more proud than I am of having the second most beautiful campus in the nation. ‘Most extra’ indeed,” Dean of Admissions Rush Kress said.

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