Ben & Jerry’s announces new University-themed ice cream flavor

Charles Beers, Satire Co-Editor

Following his Sept. 18 lecture on entrepreneurship in the Weis Center, Jerry Greenfield of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream announced to the student body that a new, University-themed ice cream flavor will be hitting shelves by the end of the academic semester. The new flavor, tentatively named “WE DOUGH,” is expected to be a tasty treat for dairy lovers on and off campus.

Bubba Scoops, a representative from Ben & Jerry’s responsible for the new flavor, was eager to explain what will be found in each new pint of WE DOUGH.

“We start with an overpowering vanilla base using our secret formula,” Scoops said. “In order to add a bit of variety, we sprinkle in bits of nacho tots as a tangy seasoning.”

However, the flavor goes far beyond your simple late-night Flyson order.

“Of course, we cannot forget the addition of the chocolate-oreo milkshake to top it all off,” Scoops said. “We will have our Oreos imported directly from the Seventh Street Cafe to give our flavor a feeling of authenticity.”

Along with explaining what ingredients will make up this new flavor, Scoops also gave The Bucknellian a sneak preview of the design for the pint containers for WE DOUGH. The containers will feature a Sperry-clad teenager riding a bison into a blue-orange sunset. Focus groups have reacted positively to the flavor and its unique branding.

“This flavor is truly going to knock people’s socks off,” Scoops said. “People are really going to feel like they are eating $500 million dollar ice cream.”

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