The List: Guide to job applications and how to lie effectively

Ella Ri, Contributing Writer

Students are overbooked with meetings, drowning in schoolwork, and grinding out applications for their respective post-graduate endeavors. In order to make your life easier and nail your dream job, here are some pointers on what to say when contacting your prospective employers, even (and especially) if it’s not what you really mean:

What you should say:

“I am a senior majoring in economics with a concentration in statistical design.”

What you mean:

“I am a senior second-guessing my major, wishing I spent more time studying something I actually like. I will probably leave here with crippling debt.”

 

What you should say:

“I have always enjoyed using my analytical prowess and people skills to solve challenging problems, which is why consulting is the perfect field for me.”

What you mean:

“When I got off the phone with my parents yesterday, I realized I actually have to get a job at some point. I’m not entirely sure what consulting is, but I need to pay for a SoulCycle membership somehow.”

 

What you should say:

“I have had several valuable experiences working with my peers over the summer and being proactive in tackling unique research projects.”

What you mean:

“The only memorable part of my summer internship was gossiping with the other interns and carb-loading on Bagel Fridays.”

 

What you should say:

“When given a challenge, I am optimistic and enthusiastic about facing it head on.”

What you mean:

“I have limited Microsoft Word skills, may have touched PowerPoint once or twice, and Excel crashes the minute I open it on my laptop.”

 

What you should say:

“I am really excited by the opportunities your firm provides and believe that I will be able to make meaningful contributions.”

What you mean:

“I heard your office is close to that new edible cookie dough café.”

 

What you should say:

“Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you soon.”

What you mean:

“Please hire me. Please.”

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