New University dining pesto causes uproar among student body

Haley Mullen, News Co-Editor

Students returned to the Bison on Aug. 20 excited to reunite with their much-missed Bada Basil. However, chaos ensued when students began to realize their beloved pesto was no more. Quinoa and penne began to fly as students flipped tables and flung their bowls in protest all over the changed pesto recipe.

This lumpy green-ish disgrace has rightfully caused an uproar throughout the student body. Lost first-years cowered under the salad bar as multiple senior girls toppled the Bada Basil station in protest.

“I just don’t understand why they would do this to us,” Suzie Smith ’19 said as she nailed a tour guide in the face with an entire pan of peas in front of an open-mouthed tour group. “What am I supposed to put on my quinoa now?”

This desperate sentiment has reverberated throughout the community. The President’s office has been backed with calls and is currently overflowing with letters demanding that the old pesto return.

“When I was in second grade, I went face-first off a swing and the mouthful of dirt I got tasted exactly like this pesto,” Tom Brown ’20 said as he picked a noodle out of the front pocket of his t-shirt and wiped green sludge off from his Vineyard Vines hat.

In response to the enraged student body, the University administration has issued a brief statement: “Fine. Go back to the caf then. You won’t.”

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