Bucky’s Declassified School Survival Guide II

Tip #284

Laundry is difficult. You can never really be sure how much detergent to put in the machine or what settings are best for your stained Bid Day shirts. The best strategy is to leave your clothes in the washing machine for at least 24 hours, giving yourself enough time to kick back, finish your third rewatch of “The Office,” and finish the first quarter of your homework. Don’t worry. Your hallmates will understand.


Tip #303

Licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.


Tip #327

The freshest natural spring water on campus can be found along the Susquehanna, so be sure to fill up your water bottles when you’re passing over the bridge into town.


Tip #356

Family Weekend is already around the corner. Take 10 minutes today to organize your bookshelf, sweep the trash on your floor under your bed, and try your best to appear like a functioning human being for a few hours. It may seem tough now, but just remember you have the rest of the semester to rebuild your dirty clothes fort.


Tip #380

There is a super senior who roams the campus at night, stealing nacho tots from unsuspecting first-years and leaving motivational quotes across the quad. Little is known about this masked vigilante, only that he is known as Ray Bucknell. If you spot this individual, contact Public Safety as soon as possible so officials can track him down.


Tip #421

Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.


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