Disillusioned first years charter fraternity in McDonnell Hall

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

Tired of watching recruitment roll on without them, two first-year students began taking matters into their own hands. After a three hour long meeting in their McDonnell Hall common room, Kyle Fi ’22 and Katie Reynolds ’22 announced the upcoming charter of their own McDonnell Hall fraternity. The new organization will be called Iota Eta Pi, nicknamed “I Eta Pi,” and will focus on respect and honor, open only to the youngest members of the University community.

“At first it was just a dream,” Fi said. “Now, we already have a founding class of almost 35 members. You’d be amazed how many people you can fit in one double room.”

Establishing the brand of Iota Eta Pi has been difficult, but the co-presidents have expressed that they are more than up to the task of building their fraternity from the ground up.

“People underestimate us because we’re new,” Reynolds said. “But we have a lot going for us right now. We even got our RA to volunteer her room as a downtown house for our supers.”

Sympathizing with the first-years, many members of the University administration have pledged their support for the fledgling organization. Colette Linguini, one of the head chefs at Bostwick Marketplace, has already agreed to cook meals for the fraternity throughout the week.

“Sometimes you just need a place to fit in,” Linguini said, hovering over the common room stove. “I’ll do everything I can to help my boys and girls. As many nugs and tendies as they can eat.”

Only time will tell if the first-year fraternity will find a place in the increasingly overcrowded University Greek system. To Fi and Reynolds, however, the future looks bright.

“Our first register is next week,” Reynolds said. “The theme is First-Years and Cold Beers. Look for the Facebook event soon!”

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