Bucky’s Declassified School Survival Guide

Tip #7124

The human mind can last approximately 72 hours without sleep before it starts to hallucinate, leading to paranoia and psychosis. With this in mind, be sure to cut your string of all-nighters off at hour 71.

Tip #7298

There are many students who do not actively clean their rooms and tidy up after themselves. By this point in the year, they will now have a living Trash Monster hiding somewhere in the piles of garbage where their floors used to be. If you see the Trash Monster, do not look it in the eye. Call Public Safety and have your entire floor fumigated.

Tip #7350

Once the Trash Monster has been dealt with, find ways to spruce up your room or apartment. There are plenty of affordable decorations and paintings that are both bold and brash. Make sure not to buy pieces that belong in the trash.

Tip #7414

Have you been maintaining a healthy diet as we go further into the school year? Try your best to diversify the types of foods you eat on a daily basis so that you get all the nutrients and vitamins you need. Choose the chocolate lava cake every once in a while. Don’t forget the bottom of the food pyramid either: Oreos, milkshakes, and diet soda.

Tip #7485

Do you have a job yet? No? Me neither. Well, if you don’t worry about it, I won’t worry about it either.

Tip #7521

Homecoming Weekend is a great time to learn about the rich history of the University from countless generations of students. However, do not be surprised if they ask you who you know here, or if they spend more time on their traditional Homecoming pong game than the school meet-and-greets.

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