Tip #1010101

There are three types of people in the world: the people who think Halloweekend was last weekend, the people who think Halloweekend is this weekend, and the people who think Halloweekend is every weekend. Be Person #3.

Tip #11101101

Having trouble coming up with the perfect Halloween costume for the weekend? Three-hole-punch Jim Halpert. Unsure of what to wear to your upcoming interview when it said on the invitation to wear business casual? Three-hole-punch Jim Halpert. Can’t decide on what to wear to impress your significant other on your first date? Three-hole-punch Jim Halpert. It is the outfit that never fails.

Tip #10110110

Speaking of which: Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been … ever, for any reason whatsoever …

Tip #10101101

Keep an eye out for the local thief who has been stealing random objects around campus. This isn’t even a joke. Someone stole the life-size cutout of Josh Peck, one of the alpacas from the petting zoo several weeks ago, and several University traffic cones. The bounty for this Bison Burglar is 100 Campus Dollars and an exclusive parking spot 15 miles away from campus.

Tip #1111111111

For all first-years trying to figure out their second semester schedules, don’t be afraid to hold off on declaring your major and fulfilling your CCC requirements. You still have plenty of time before you need to make your big life decisions. As for the seniors, well, you all should probably get on that.

Tip #0000000001

Be careful of the spooky Halloween parties you attend this weekend. Just when you think you are having the time of your life, someone will die. Of fun. And of murder.