Beer Barn challenges new Natural Light 77-Pack with “Bucky Light” 144-Pack

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

Following the earth-shattering announcement that Natural Light will now be sold in cases of 77 cans, the Lewisburg Beer Barn has retaliated with a shocking business decision of its own. Feeling threatened by these new high-volume deliveries, the managers of the barn have upped the ante with an exclusive deal with local fraternities: 144-packs of their home-brewed “Bucky Lights” at incredibly low costs.

Members of The Bucknellian drove out to the Beer Barn to speak with the innovators behind this game-changing marketing strategy, co-managers Drew Brews and Dale “Pale” Ale. The two went into great detail regarding their decision to push their product out in bulk.

“We saw the news that college kids were actually willing to buy these lethal amounts of crispy suds,” Brews said. “So we figured, how far could we take this before we actually get arrested?”

When deciding on the final total of 144 cans per package, currently shaped like a large pyramid and weighing a little under five metric tons, Brews and Ale said it was the perfect balance of profit and irony.

“In the world of mathematics, 144 is considered a gross,” Ale said. “We’re literally selling these kids a gross-pack of beer.”

In anticipation of the inevitable backlash from both University faculty and the parents of these degenerate students, Brews and Ale made special modifications to the Bucky Light formula to ensure that health risks were taken into account.

“The current ABV for Natty is 4.20 percent,” Brews said. “Bucky Light is even better. 1.10 percent. What can I say? The kids basically want alcoholic water, and we’re gonna give it to ’em.”

The response from the local community to the Beer Barn’s new sales campaign has been overwhelmingly positive, with many Greek organizations citing how the new price tags help cut costs and improve social budgets.

“I didn’t even realize how much money we spent on these cases,” Chad Bradley ’19, the social chair for the emergent University co-ed fraternity, said. “Now we can finally give back to the Lewisburg community in ways we couldn’t before. Or, you know, buy a massive water slide for our downtown house. Either way, thanks Bucky Light!”

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