Fraternity increases register security by building massive snow fort

Lewis Rizzoli, Contributing Writer

Delta Psi Beta (DPB), a new fraternity on campus, will be throwing a Winter Wonderland register at its uptown chapter house this upcoming Friday. President Bradley Johnson ’19 expects a big turnout and is anticipating one of the most “legendary” registers in University history.

According to Johnson, DPB spent around $5,000 on their premier soirée and have many attractions to look forward to.

“We bought a sick snow machine for various reasons, 12 elves from Santa’s workshop who will bartend, a menorah shot apparatus, all the candy canes in central Pennsylvania, two reindeer who will work RISK, a blow-up Santa for the front yard, 10 pounds of mistletoe, a sleigh to transport people to and from the party, DJ Pauly D, and a literal ton of eggnog,” Johnson said proudly.

When asked about what the snow machine will be used for, Johnson was hesitant to answer. After keeping quiet for 15 grueling minutes, he finally revealed the reason for the state-of-the art snow machine. Johnson states that, in the absence of finding real security to work the register, Delta Psi Beta plans to increase register security by building a massive snow fort.

“The snow fort will help with crowd control and assist the reindeer with their RISK duties,” Johnson said.

Johnson’s hope is that the snow fort will help ensure that, above all else, the right people get into the party and the holiday ratio remains intact.

“No first-years or Lewisburg high school students shall enter our threshold; people need to be the right age to rage,” Johnson said.

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