Bucky’s Declassified: Here We Go Again

Tip #1

For all seniors, this is it. The last hurrah. Your final semester at the University as an undergraduate. Now is the time to take that bucket list you made first year and do all those crazy things you planned with your roommate in your cramped Smith Hall double. Play a game of pong in Bostwick Marketplace. Sled down the big hill on a University poster board. Climb to the top of Bertrand Library and yell that you’re the king of Lewisburg. You’re basically invincible! Go nuts!

[DISCLAIMER: The Bucknellian is not liable for any physical or mental damages that may or may not result from following this advice column.]

Tip #2

We’ve reached the point in the year when it’s so cold you’re shivering. Take advantage of the weather and build a snowman outside of your building. Or be bold and freak out your roommates by building an army of snowmen to block all the paths leading out of the building. In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all. It’s fear.

Tip #3

When the weather dips dangerously close to negative degrees, sacrifices must be made to ensure the survival of the hall. Make sure you have enough food for your entire dorm by sending the weakest member of your group out into the cold to scavenge for Bostwick takeout boxes. Their odds of survival are low, but it must be done. You can only order Domino’s Pizza so many times.

Tip #4

Seniors, it’s time to start acting like adults. Yes, I’m talking to you. I know you still have no idea what taxes are and how they work. I know the only meals you can safely cook without setting fire to your entire kitchenette are ramen noodles and avocado toast. I know you still have a massive pile of dirty laundry on your bedroom floor that’s one pair of socks away from becoming as tall as you. It’s time we start learning to prepare for the real world. Not today, though. I’m busy today.

Tip #5

Be on the lookout for the new University elective in the Course Catalog: Introduction to Wumbology: The Study of Wumbo. Despite being considered first-grade material by many academic communities, the class fulfills both the W2 and the Quantitative Reasoning requirements.


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