Seniors scarred after learning credit scores at “Personal Finance” workshop

Jeff Klebauskas, Contributing Writer

Several graduating seniors were horrified today after the looming specter of adulthood revealed its ugly façade to them in the form of their current credit scores at a personal finance workshop.

Professor of Economics Isaiah Cooperman facilitated the workshop and spoke with The Bucknellian while gently rubbing the back of a hyperventilating student who assumed credit cards were a magical form of currency available to anyone who needed them. Cooperman acknowledged that many students believe there are no actual penalties for misreading the fine print on the application.

“Yep, this is what usually happens,” Cooperman said. “Give a college kid invisible money and off they go—spending what seems like an endless amount of income on designer flip-flops, Bob Marley posters, and PlayStation 4s without fully comprehending how terrifying personal finance can be.”

Cooperman further elaborated on the repercussions of childishly believing that the world is not a cold mass of deceit filled with people who will take advantage of the weak and ignorant at any given opportunity.

“Then, when it comes time to deal with the fact that they won’t even be able to move into an apartment if their credit score is too low, it floors them,” Cooperman said. “Seriously. This kid was lying face-down on the floor for hours after he learned he had a credit score of 250, a score so low it was considered impossible until today. I don’t know how he managed to do it. But here we are.”

The panicked senior, who wished to remain anonymous out of the completely understandable, yet somewhat delusional, fear that everybody he comes into contact with is an undercover credit card agent out to squeeze him for all he is worth, gave this muffled response while hiding his face in his hands.

“I just thought I had to go to school, get a job, and everything would be okay after that.  I didn’t think my innocence would be stripped away from me so abruptly,” the student said.

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