Bucky’s Declassified: The Goblet of Fire

Tip #70,000

Graduating seniors will be contacted by the University to complete an exit counseling program to estimate their total student loan debts. Graduating seniors will also be contacted by the Counseling & Student Development Center to schedule a group therapy session once they realize how long they will be paying off these debts. Our advice is to run away from your responsibilities. Realistically, they can’t catch all of us.

 

Tip #500,000

If you’re ever doubting yourself in the classroom, stressing about upcoming deadlines, or worrying that you don’t belong here, take a deep breath and remember that you did not have to use your celebrity parents to bribe your way into college on a fake crew scholarship. At least, I hope you didn’t. That would make this awkward.

 

Tip #13

While we may have lost our bid to the NCAA Tournament to Colgate this year, we still have many reasons to be proud of our men’s basketball team. We played our best and had a stellar season. And at least when we Google our school’s name, the first hundred results aren’t boxes of Max Fresh toothpaste. Let’s all show solidarity by watching Colgate get decimated by Tennessee on March 22.

 

Tip #12

Let’s also not forget to celebrate the women’s team’s victory over American and the team’s entrance into the NCAA Tournament. Be sure to support them on March 22 against Florida State.

 

Tip #1,000,000

House Party Weekend is on the horizon and it’s never too early to start preparing. Some people will go for the traditional approach (jerseys, tumblers, and hard liquor), but don’t forget to be creative with your celebration. Take a page from SpongeBob’s house party episode and create a rigid schedule for you and your friends to follow: 8:00-8:05 p.m.: Guests arrive. 8:05-8:15 p.m.: Opening remarks and general discussion. 8:15-8:27 p.m.: Craft corner, followed by name tag distribution. At 8:27 p.m., begin the qualifying rounds for a cracker-eating/tongue-twister contest. 9:07 p.m.: running charades. As long as you stick to the schedule, House Party Weekend will be a guaranteed success.

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