Email chain goes viral after sick student messages the entire College of Arts & Sciences

Graphics+by+Olivia+Braito.
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Email chain goes viral after sick student messages the entire College of Arts & Sciences

Graphics by Olivia Braito.

Graphics by Olivia Braito.

Graphics by Olivia Braito.

Graphics by Olivia Braito.

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

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The entire University stood in solidarity with Brad “B” Mail ’20 this past week after Mail accidentally sent a message regarding his contraction of the stomach virus to the entire Class of 2020 within the College of Arts & Sciences. The message, originally intended for one professor, immediately went viral across campus, with countless students sending their kind words and thoughts for Mail’s swift recovery. Within an hour, the email chain had accumulated over two hundred responses from students, faculty, and staff.

 

Many members of the community were struck by the emotion and poignancy behind the responses to Mail’s condition. The professor who Mail intended to send the message to, wishing to remain anonymous in fear of another endless series of emails flooding her inbox, was overwhelmed by the University’s compassion following Mail’s release from the hospital.

 

“Even when we are at our lowest,” the professor said, “it is important to know that this institution is a family. There will always be someone to make a Walmart run for Tylenol and Pepto-Bismol.”

 

The University administration, in wake of the online movement, followed the student body’s lead and printed out the entire email chain on a poster that stretches the length of Bertrand Library. The display, featuring approximately 400 emails in total, now dominates the outer walls of the building and will hang there until Mail makes a complete recovery.

 

President John Bravman could not contain his emotion when reading the emails in a public address this past Tuesday.

 

“‘I have a chicken noodle soup, my guy, if you’re interested,’” Bravman read, pausing to dab his tears away with a fresh box of Kleenex. “Poetry. Pure poetry.”

 

While the reaction to the #GetMailSoon movement has been mostly positive, some students have criticized the frequency and redundancy of the ever-growing chain.

 

“I don’t get it,” Dorothy “DM” Matthews ’21 said. “Why can’t they just message him individually? After the 400th notification, I just threw my phone into the Susquehanna.”

 

University IT workers have also stated that many student accounts could not handle the sheer volume of messages arriving in their inbox, considering the very real possibility of terminating the entire sequence.

 

We received no word from Mail after reaching out to inquire about his condition. The Bucknellian will continue to update you as the situation progresses. 

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