Campus blinded by really white legs following rise in athletic shorts


Graphics by Olivia Braito.

Amy Schlussler, Senior Writer

Spring has officially sprung in the cornfields of Lewisburg. This time of year brings daily trips to the Freez, an overall decrease in class attendance, and University students attempting to achieve their “summer bod” all within a month. It also appears that students across campus have been eagerly lacing up their running sneakers and hitting the streets of Lewisburg.


Most legs haven’t had the pleasure of seeing the sun in months which explains their lack of pigmentation. All across campus, students have raised concerns regarding the health of their eyes after light exposure from the increasing amount of outdoor runners. A large number of students now wear sunglasses in class as a means of protecting their retinas from blindingly pale legs.


It wasn’t obvious how destructive these pasty limbs were until a recent incident occurred on Moore Avenue. The Bucknellian spoke with Chris Crash ’20, one of the University students involved in the accident.


“I was on my way to the local Starbucks to get my overpriced iced coffee,” Crash said. “As I was driving past the ELC, I noticed a bright light out of the corner of my eye, completely obstructing my view. Before I knew it, the front of my car was in the backseat of the car ahead of me.”


University officials reported that an accident occurred in the same area two hours later, as a herd of nearly translucent track runners passed by unsuspecting drivers.


As an attempt to prevent further accidents on campus, the University will be placing samples of self-tanner in all student mailboxes. The administration has publicly encouraged students to apply the tanner to their legs daily in order to achieve a golden glow, which will hopefully alleviate the destruction caused by overly-pale legs.

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