Dear Everyone,

Ahem.

I walk across the quad.

Rolling with my squad.

Not so much a squad

As my entire hall.

But that’s OK because

I got past the fuzz

And by fuzz I mean the RA on duty

Who only smelled the fruity

Febreze machine

(it makes me feel like I’m over 18).

But

Sometimes reality sticks

It hits you like a big wall of bricks

Like you lost your University Class of 2023 lanyard

And you think

Aw man, Mom’s gonna freak.

And she’ll say

“Well, at least you were having fun, right?”

Ma, not quite.

To tell you the truth,

I hardly had any booze

Because my roommate and I

Spent the whole night in line.

And I feel like I’m living a lie.

Sometimes I just want to act cool and buy

A salad from The Commons

Instead of chilling in pajamas

No, really, look at these pajamas

I mean, right? Bison pajamas?

Guys, seriously, please buy these pajamas.

– a concerned first-year