Super Saturday to be held in Carnegie


Amy Schlussler, Satire Co-Editor

Weekends for most University students generally consist of concerningly long naps, hours in line at All Star Bagel and afternoons at the infamous “Super Saturday.” While this may seem like an incredibly productive weekend, part of the Holy Trinity was hampered two weekends ago as authorities put a halt to all “Supers.” Official word has not yet been received regarding the purpose behind terminating “Super,” but students across campus have not let this interfere with their weekend schedules.

Multiple Roberts Hall residents reported hearing “dad music” and “screaming females” coming from the Carnegie Building this past Saturday. The Bucknellian spoke with eyewitness Nate Hibernate ’22, who watched the scene unfold from his Roberts window.

“I was awoken from my second nap of the morning by the sound of a ‘way-ho’ coming from outside my window,” Hibernate said. “Before I knew it, the outside of Carnegie was surrounded by ‘brothers’ in basketball jerseys and girls dressed to the nines. I later learned that there was a unanimous decision to begin holding ‘Super’ in Carnegie.”

Hibernate left the interview early, claiming that he had to tend to his third scheduled nap of the day. The Bucknellian reached out to a student who had been in Carnegie at the time of the raid. 

“I was consumed in my leisurely reading on the evolution of the Alaskan bull worm when a herd of students stormed into Carnegie with foldable tables and an unnecessary amount of plastic cups,” Daisy Green ’20 said. “I didn’t mind the music and company, but I was incredibly bothered by the underwhelming amount of cups that made their way into the recycling receptacle. I’m also pretty sure the printers might have alcohol damage.”

Green considers her first “Super” to be an invaluable experience and plans to continue attending the weekly congregation in order to promote recycling. 

Authorities plan to surround the doors of Carnegie on Saturday to prevent this from becoming a weekly event, but word has it that a second “Super” will be held there this weekend starting at 11 a.m. The Bucknellian would like to remind those who plan on attending that entrance is contingent on valid BU-ID and a poorlymade mixed drink.

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