Two Friends become Two Enemies

Bridget Beljan, Satire Editor

BREAKING NEWS: Two Friends are no longer on speaking terms. 


The Friends have decided that despite the current status of their relationship, the University show must go on. They can’t let A Boogie or the students down, although there is no telling how their tiff will play out on stage. 

At the present moment, it is unclear as to what has caused trouble in paradise, though it seems to have stemmed from a heated argument about who was the better Friend. 

One Friend argued that his buddy does more for the Big Bootie mixes, but the other Friend felt the polar opposite. 

“No man, you kill it with all the drops!” one Friend said. “No bro…We wouldn’t be anywhere without your mashup skills,” the other Friend said. 

They kept going back and forth until things got ugly, and apparently physical — wrestling one another to the ground while shouting compliments. 

Things especially escalated when the two couldn’t agree on who started the fight to begin with. One Friend traced it back to the other yelling “NO I LOVE YOU MORE!” while the other Friend said it all started when the other refused to hang up first. 

When on the phone with the concert committee, one Friend requested a stage divider, but the other grabbed the phone from his hand and said that such measures wouldn’t be necessary. 

There are hopes that performing together, locking eyes during The Office opener of Volume 11, will reconcile the duo to the level of Two Acquaintances, at the very least. Or, perhaps a third Friend will be needed to mediate the situation. 

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