BSG election write-ins alarm student officials

Nick DeMarchis, Staff Writer

It’s that time of year again, when students pick those other special students to represent them on an administrative level. While tallying the ballots yesterday, however, experts were baffled by not only the number of write-in votes but also by their content.

The nomination and debate process went on as per usual — with little fanfare and attention from the student body. The candidates’ friends went through the usual vetting process and candidates came up with punchy hundred-word statements to rouse the student body. Tacky and hastily-made posters were posted all around a grand total of two buildings in the hopes of garnering the attention of more apathetic voters.

The registration opened and closed with… little fanfare, once again. However, the officials running, like B-lex Marx ’22 launching a campaign for BSG president, were chomping at the bit to see the election results.

“I just want to actually make this school better. Like that new mailroom? Cool, yes, but totally impractical and a waste of money. We need to use our money solely to topple the administration and seize the means of degree production,” Marx said. His posters proudly proclaimed tales of increased student quality of life along with the creation of a new commission to revive the Bison Stage. “I miss it,” Marx told the Bucknellian.

As those votes were tallied, however, strange commonalities began to arise. In addition to an alarming amount of votes for both “Dondald Drompf” and “Chillary Hlinton” (over a hundred each), those counting the votes also saw votes for the University President and a whole slew of other professors. 

However, a plurality of students who voted wrote in Billy McFarland, the now-imprisoned influencer who masterminded Fyre Festival. One student, Ella Oofies ’20, explained her motivation for writing in the disgraced star.

“We need some real leadership here at the University. Who cares if he dropped out after one-and-a-half semesters? Who cares if he’s literally in prison? He can probably do more work than any actual student as BSG president,” Offies said.

McFarland didn’t respond to The Bucknellian’s request for comment (mostly because he is imprisoned in Ohio). Nonetheless, our student government learned a valuable lesson from this write-in fiasco: never let the students actually choose who’s in charge.

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