Interview with poet and groundhog Punxsutawney Phil

Graphic by Kyle Putt

Bridget Beljan, Satire Co-Editor

In case you’ve been living under a rock, accomplished groundhog Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring last weekend. The Bucknellian had the pleasure of sitting down with the renowned expert P. Phil himself to discuss his work and most recent prediction.  

Thank you for taking the time to speak with us, Mr. Phil. We recognize that this is a very busy time of year for you.

Nyuk nyuk mmm. 

Alright, let’s go ahead and get started. How is it that you go about making your annual prediction?

Mmnyuh nyuk hm. Yackleh mmnuck nyocknyock nemol nammy grim grock.

Wow. That is really quite remarkable, Mr. Phil. I think I can speak on behalf of the entire University community when I say that we have the utmost respect for what you do. How is it that you got your start in this profession?

Kurrrr glom nyuk nyuk mm. Nohrs meere locum molen ground. Hoggum nyuk hog ground mmnyuk mm. 

Those sound like some humble beginnings. Hats off to staying true to your roots. How is it that you deal with the fame you’ve earned among the homo sapien and marmota monax [groundhog] species alike?

Nyuk chuck chucky nyuk wood mmm nyod mhm. Chuckle muck mmm nyuk modul grock.

And finally, with regards to our recent realization that woodchucks are in fact groundhogs, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Nyuk mm chuck nyuk.

And there you have it, folks. The answer to the age-old question. Thank you so much for your time, Mr. Phil.  We would not know when to break out the short sleeves without you.

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