The chronicles of the Division I luge team

Bridgette Simpson, Staff Writer

Located in central Pennsylvania, the University can experience some pretty harsh winters. On some occasions this year, students and faculty have seen some frost on the mornings after snowfalls, but it never sticks around for more than a day.

Due to the depressing reality of this year’s winter, the new luge team is having extreme difficulty when it comes to practicing. The lack of snow makes it truly difficult to practice sledding down a hill as fast as one can, and injuries are much more common due to the increased friction between the sled and the grass. 

Luckily, the team has found a way to overcome this challenge. Luging is a sport often practiced in European and Scandinavian countries, but luging is also an unnecessary consumption method.

Because these Division I athletes are bred for competition and refuse to associate themselves with NARPs (non-athletic regular persons) in or out of season, as well as the fact that they don’t know what to do with themselves while they aren’t training, they have started practicing luging almost any time and any place they can. At least they use alcohol, as they should. 

“Yeah, we really prefer to practice on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights, as well as at Supers, because that’s when it’s socially acceptable to be plastered,” luging captain Ken Hein ’20 said. “We practice luging off of ice blocks to keep the beer cold, we practice luging with gross stuff like the bottoms of shoes to prepare ourselves for anything, and we sometimes like to practice during class using a binder or something if we’re in a time crunch.”

Great to hear, Hein. Sounds like the team is taking a step in the right direction. However, some of the professors aren’t thrilled about this new practice schedule. 

“I can remember when I was in college. I could’ve easily crushed those guys in any one of their luge races. Any type of alcohol, any surface, you name it, I’d crush them. But I’m not allowed to tell them how badly I want to join the luge team because I don’t think that’s allowed. I don’t want them to luge off binders in class solely because I wish I could relive college,” Professor Jack Daniel, a faculty member in the Department of the History of Alcohol Consumption, said. “God, I wish I was them so badly sometimes.”

Although professors can’t join Division I athletics, they can live vicariously through the achievements of their students, and we hope Daniel finds a way to appreciate instead of envying the talent of his students.

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