The Bucknellian

Children’s author writes “If You Bring Your Dog to Super” following University visit

Children’s author writes “If You Bring Your Dog to Super” following University visit

Bridget Beljan, Senior Writer

April 11, 2019

When you were a child, you were probably read the renowned children’s book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” You may have also experienced the sequels “If You Give a Moose a Muffin” and “If You Give a Dog a Donut” if your parents saw fit.   Following Disney’s pattern of adapting pop...

First-years prepare ritual sacrifice of Nacho Tots

First-years prepare ritual sacrifice of Nacho Tots

Nick DeMarchis, Contributing Writer

April 11, 2019

After a long and productive weekend, several students paid respect to their real master this past Sunday. In the center of the Malesardi Quadrangle, a small group gathered to prepare their sacrifice to the great Class of 2012 University seal.   Their carefully coordinated ceremony proved...

Campus blinded by really white legs following rise in athletic shorts

Campus blinded by really white legs following rise in athletic shorts

Amy Schlussler, Senior Writer

April 11, 2019

Spring has officially sprung in the cornfields of Lewisburg. This time of year brings daily trips to the Freez, an overall decrease in class attendance, and University students attempting to achieve their “summer bod” all within a month. It also appears that students across campus have been eagerly...

Engineers dominate Canoe Battleship with cannon-filled dreadnought

Engineers dominate Canoe Battleship with cannon-filled dreadnought

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

April 11, 2019

University students were startled this past Friday evening when the sound of cannon-fire rang out across campus. For the first time in the history of Canoe Battleship, one of the participating teams designed and constructed their own vessel for the competition. According to officials, however, the engi...

University poll: best things to order drunk on Amazon

Lewis Rizzoli, Staff Writer

April 11, 2019

In today’s world, everything you can imagine is accessible with the touch of a button. You search for whatever you desire, find immediate results online, and choose among them. Instant gratification is one of the 21st century’s greatest marvels.   While Amazon is very useful, it can also be ...

Frustrated Vedder custodians hold shower curtains hostage

Alex Boyer, Senior Writer

April 11, 2019

Vedder Hall students received an odd message along with their Message Center Digest email at 1:04 a.m. this past Wednesday morning. According to the announcement, Vedder custodians, who are on strike, took all the shower curtains in the building and locked them up in a janitor’s closet with a $3,00...

Top/Bottom 4: University water fountains

Kaitlin Bonacci, Print Presentation Director

April 4, 2019

Spring has sprung, which means it’s time to change the Installments in the bathrooms and remind yourself to hydrate or die-drate. When looking to fill up your sticker-covered Nalgenes, be sure to consult our definitive list of fountains to visit and to avoid across campus.   The Best of the Best:   Olin 3r...

Mother conducts full FBI background check on daughter’s formals date

Mother conducts full FBI background check on daughter’s formals date

Bridget Beljan, Senior Writer

April 4, 2019

In the wake of the week-long scaries House Party Weekend tends to bring, students are beginning to realize that there ain’t no rest for the wicked. Formals season is just around the corner.   Dana Date ’21 was elated when she learned that she had been invited to attend a formal in Ibiza,...

Student catches fire after walking into Rooke Chapel for the first time

Amy Schlussler, Senior Writer

April 4, 2019

It can be a complete shock to students when they learn that the building at the University’s entrance is, in fact, a chapel. The University community often mistakes Rooke Chapel for the highly-worshiped South Campus Apartments. Despite the overwhelming number of emails that students receive daily from...

Email chain goes viral after sick student messages the entire College of Arts & Sciences

Email chain goes viral after sick student messages the entire College of Arts & Sciences

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

April 4, 2019

The entire University stood in solidarity with Brad “B” Mail ’20 this past week after Mail accidentally sent a message regarding his contraction of the stomach virus to the entire Class of 2020 within the College of Arts & Sciences. The message, originally intended for one professor, immediately ...

Cleveland Browns fan vocal to proactively prevent possible future bandwagoning accusations

Jeff Klebauskas, Senior Writer

April 4, 2019

After the recent improvement of the Cleveland Browns’ roster through the acquisitions of Odell Beckham Jr. and a quarterback who made it through a full season, Bernie Vardell ’20 has been noticeably vocal about his lifelong support of the team. Sources say he has been doing so to ensure that, in...

Human cloning facility found in the basement of Rooke Science

Alex Boyer and Nicholas Demarchis, Senior Writer and Contributing Writer

April 4, 2019

The Bucknellian’s bombshell investigation into undercover students who operate as scientists has led to the discovery of a human cloning facility in the basement of the Rooke Science Center. After a three-year inspection across multiple student groups, the secret door to this facility was opened by...

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