“I don’t want to get too drunk because then I can’t watch the ‘Snowden’ movie.”

“Hannah and I told people we were in Kappa so they would give us their Juul.”

“If you want to f*** me, wait till I’m done dancing.”

“The guy with the teardrop tattoo did not take kindly to my outside booze.”

“What if you mixed a corgi with a horse? It would have the cutest butt.”