University students find new locations to spread COVID

Liz Whitmer, Satire Co-Editor

In a perfect world (where global pandemics inexplicably still exist), students would refrain from gathering in groups across campus to cope with their social deprivation. The University campus is not such a world. Given that, here are four of the best places on campus to party this semester.

Vedder Volleyball Court

Since Vedder Hall already has all of the attention surrounding it every year, the Vedder volleyball court might as well be utilized. It’s not like Public Safety can become more suspicious. Bonus points if you put a paper umbrella in your drink and pretend you’re at the beach.

Quad

Shockingly, every single first-year seems to be on the quad every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night with lidded cups in hand. It’s doubtful that it has any connection to the lack of parties whatsoever, but the groups of people is the perfect place to meet people. Plus being outside cancels out COVID-19, right?

Terrace Room

In order to earn a livable wage, the cafeteria workers have renovated the Terrace Room into a lavish club after dining hours. The penthouse vibes combined with the open floor plan gives visitors an experience that could be accomplished by no frat. Just another reason food service workers at the University deserve a pay raise. 

Bucknell Farm

Nothing screams central PA like drinking cheap beer in a farm setting, so this is the perfect way to feel connected with the surrounding area. Unfortunately, there are no cows for tipping purposes.

Smith Parking Lot

With Flyson reopening, it’s best to be the first one there. Be like Earl Eager ’24who took his University pop-up chair to the Moore Avenue parking lot, patiently wait for the long-awaited return. Some say he’s been there ever since.

Wherever you go, make sure you use the buddy system and make sure you keep your group below, like, 35 people. That seems to be the standard set by groups of people congregating every weekend.

 

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