COVID canoodling

Liz Whitmer, Satire Co-Editor

Cuffing season is coming up, but health concerns are keeping people from getting close and comfortable. The coronavirus is now forcing people to get a little creative with their romantic endeavors.

Sergey Suave ’22 took his prospective partner on a coffee date on the Malesardi Quadrangle, but it took a bit of an unfortunate turn. “Well, we decided to sit six feet apart to be responsible, but there was a class happening on the quad so I couldn’t hear a word he was saying,” Suave said. “I literally have no idea if I even like him.”

While Suave didn’t experience as much interaction as he had hoped, Chelsea Choosey ’21 ended up on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. “We were hanging out at my place and it wasn’t going great. I was just about to tell him I had an early morning so he would leave when I got a positive COVID test back,” Choosey said. “He has roommates, so he ended up quarantining with me for two weeks.” Choosey and her love interest are now excited to announce their upcoming engagement.

Even when an appropriate amount of interaction is experienced between a couple during this odd cuffing season, it’s still possible for them to drop the ball post-date. Sam Stoic ’23 had this problem at the conclusion of a first date. Instead of a normal farewell gesture, Stoic decided to go in for the COVID-classic elbow bump, thus ruining the mood and quite possibly their shot at a text back. At least Stoic didn’t catch COVID-19, even if they did catch feelings.

If anything good comes out of a devastating global pandemic that is tearing one particular country apart, at least most people will become much more selective about the people they decide to date. If you’re not willing to potentially quarantine for two weeks after seeing them, they’re not the one. Either that or COVID-19 will continue to spread like wildfire. Happy dating.

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