Neat! Democrats finally give credit where credit’s due

Liz Whitmer, Satire Co-Editor

GOP leaders are relieved to see that the Do-Nothing Democrats finally gave former U.S. President Donald Trump the credit he deserves during his historic second impeachment trial last week. Although Trump has been acquitted, the Radical Left finally reached across the political aisle to acknowledge the long-lasting legacy that Trump has left behind in his one-term presidency.

In the days leading up to and during the impeachment trial, Democrats have made it quite clear that they see  Trump as the catalyst and main cause of the Jan. 6 insurrection, with some even going as far to call him and his supporters terrorists.

“It is truly a breath of fresh air to hear the truth for once. After years of saying President Trump never did anything for this country, the Left is finally acknowledging his instrumental role in staging an attack on the very cornerstone of our nation’s democracy,” explained a top former aid to the 45th president.

Professionals and commoners alike are thrilled by this change of pace. Tara Rist explained the great impact Trump has had on her life in an exclusive interview with The Bucknellian. “Mr. Trump has made me feel seen, like I can finally be true to myself again,” Rist said. “When we were told to ‘fight like hell’ against our country’s egregious display of democracy, I knew this was what I was born to do. It’s just nice to see our nation unified once again with the Democrats making a point to acknowledge his part and all.” When asked why some Republicans refused to make these same acknowledgements, Rist explained, “We need to impeach those RINOs immediately.”

While  Trump is unable to publicly speak on the matter due to his only conceivable platform of communication, Twitter, having been ripped from his toddler-sized hands, his good friend and former business partner, Russian President Vladimir Putin, has reported Trump is ecstatic about this good publicity.

All in all, our country seems to be more unified than ever before. Democrats are saying Trump was instrumental in the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol, and Republicans are calling those who participated in the attack “patriots.” It’s refreshing to see everyone on the same page for once.

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