Peace and Quiet Enjoyed by Lewisburg Residents Comes to Screeching Halt

Maximus Bean, Senior Writer

During these past few days Lewisburg locals reported much higher levels of noise pollution than usual; that being the parties, trap music and general skullduggery among the campus population. While it would be expedient (and not entirely dishonest) to blame this ruckus on the rampant frat parties around campus, that would not be correct. The true culprit lies with the campus-wide celebration known as Parents Weekend. With parents celebrating their sons and daughters’ accomplishments, there is bound to be serious issues regarding conduct, alcohol and respectful behavior in general. Of course I’m not saying that all parents are bad. Just most of them. Should I poke fun at Greek life for this? Nah, not this time. I’m blaming all of you simply because I can. It isn’t every day a near-universal student event occurs, but when it does like this past weekend, there is most certainly trouble.

Yes, I know it may be shocking to hear. Who could have imagined that the mature, responsible adults who sent their kids off to study hard, get good grades and respect the local townsfolk might be the ones behind the noise complaint? Such an assertion is mind-boggling. Then again, is anyone really surprised? Not really. We all know that parents can be just as rowdy as their kids are, but it’s one of those things nobody at the school says out loud for fear that their funding will be taken away. I mean, I can say it, because my family isn’t rowdy in the slightest…except maybe at the football game, and the rugby game, and especially at the karaoke bar, and the — you know what? It doesn’t matter. Who can help that during this weekend parents will be cheering on their kids extra hard during their games? I’m sure as long as they win (I’m looking at you, football players), it will all be worth it. Then again if they lose (now I’m really looking at you, football), the parents will be just as loud, likely yelling about how the ref messed up the clear foul, but still that’s their kid on the field, so I understand it.

All in all, Lewisburg residents have little to fear. Soon enough, their peace and quiet will return, only to be interrupted by the usual amount of trap music and drunken antics. For this weekend though, alcohol is the name of the game. As for me, my parents kept on getting distracted by the Sorority signs. One house said “DILFs welcome,” and I had to keep an eye on them so they wouldn’t run off; Mom so she wouldn’t go ahead and join them (Who knew DILF were her sorority letters?), and Dad so he wouldn’t…well then again, how generous would “DILF” be? Either way fun was had by all. To these ends however, I am very happy that out of all the circumstances in the world, the only thing Lewisburg residents can complain about is the families that come to the University and spend time with their children. Shame!

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