Maximus Bean Archives - The Bucknellian

Maximus Bean, Satire Co-Editor

Major: Creative Writing '24

Minor: Legal Studies

Hometown: Belmar, NJ

All content by Maximus Bean

Secret Scientific Lab Successfully Clones Winston Churchill, who was Previously Dead

April 29, 2022

Students lay out “prank eggs” during Easter egg hunt

April 22, 2022

To Solve the housing crisis, University establishes “Housing Boats” on the Susquehanna

April 22, 2022

Neon Niche: Why Mountain Dew is the perfect modern soft drink

April 15, 2022

Here’s some time periods from the “Through the Decades” event that didn’t make the cut

April 15, 2022

Teachers flip the script by skipping class for April Fools’

April 8, 2022

Amami releases new “Adrena-ccino” to student customers

April 8, 2022

Oh No! Brent Papson retires!

April 1, 2022

If you don’t know news, stick to satire folks

April 1, 2022

As cherry blossoms sprout, hay fever sets in for endangered student population

March 25, 2022

In courageous new legislation, all bears banned for their synonymy with Russia

March 25, 2022

Satire: Letter from a concerned citizen

March 4, 2022

Man only reads Tabloids to Avoid any Real News

March 4, 2022

End of Party Restrictions leads to Largest Rager ever seen by Administration

February 25, 2022

Astonishing Report Reveals Winston Churchill is still Dead One Week later

February 18, 2022

Recent Winston Churchill panel reveals former Prime Minister dead: Shocking report

February 11, 2022

American truckers join Canadian convoy rerouting to Ottawa: freedom at what cost?

February 4, 2022

Students Desperate to keep Holidays going create Fake Celebration On-Campus

January 28, 2022

Irresponsible Late-Night Sledding leads to Traffic Jam; Multiple injured

January 28, 2022

Student enrolls in localized Squid Game competition for campus dollars payout

December 1, 2021

Increase in mental health services when students struggle to adapt to life at home

November 17, 2021

Global warming isn’t real: The awful truth about what you’ve been hearing

November 10, 2021

Everybody’s a critic! Professor faces backlash after waterboarding student

November 3, 2021

Due to cybersecurity threats, University installs extra-safe login credentials

October 27, 2021

Opinions Writer praises Jordan Peterson’s speech, is Banished from Newspaper

October 20, 2021

Easy There! Christmas Decorations Already Up Before Halloween

October 6, 2021

Why is Everybody Coughing?

September 29, 2021

Peace and Quiet Enjoyed by Lewisburg Residents Comes to Screeching Halt

September 22, 2021

Student Health: Why Does it Matter?

September 15, 2021

Don’t Worry! Here is What Your Tuition Money is Going Towards

September 8, 2021

Political Science Student Has to Pretend to Read the News

September 1, 2021

Recent Poll finds College Friendships Dropped by 20 Percent Following Relaxed Masking Policies

September 1, 2021

Professors angry about reduction in COVID cases

March 3, 2021

Local snowfall causes inconvenience for everyone

February 17, 2021

HEARTWARMING! Local professor gives rousing speech amidst COVID chaos

February 10, 2021

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