Students in Vedder surprised by distinct lack of black mold (and other consequences)

Maximus Bean, Satire Section Editor

Upon returning to campus this year, sophomore and upperclassmen University students have experienced something that has never been seen before: a tidy, clean Vedder Hall. For students who have known nothing but rampant parties, stolen exit signs and underage drinking, such a clean space to live is a welcome change. However, that doesn’t mean everyone is happy with the renovation.

“I don’t know that mold really tied the place together,” Crosby Fettle ’25 said. “I don’t know what we’d do without it.” Fettle lived in the half of Vedder that wasn’t evicted last semester, living with the constant humdrum of construction machinery blaring into his ears. “I mean the mold was everywhere. The food, the air, I mean it was more of a constant companion than a nuisance.” Now with the air’s “improved” quality, he doesn’t know what to do. 

While Vedder was party central for many groups of students, the construction that had happened over the last semester had unwittingly interrupted that culture, and left many students in the dark as to the University party life. Another ill-fated result of the construction was that the students who were originally part of Vedder (some of the most chaotic partygoers), were sent to other parts of campus, thereby leading Public Safety officials around to random parts of campus instead of them storming Vedder every weekend. Then again, the opinions on Public Safety switch every semester, so this could be seen as a good thing too.

Now that Vedder is back in action though, there is hope for the student body. Just for the student body though; not for the pleasant custodial staff who cleans after them, or the contractors the University brings in to fix the exit signs and doors, or the bugs that are trying to coexist with the student body. What are the odds that the conditions will soon turn deplorable again? Who will be the Vedder resident to leave their food out to rot and kickstart this black mold craze all over again? Whatever the answer is, the various individuals at The Bucknellian can’t wait to find out. As evidenced, Vedder Hall will be watched with great interest. They ought not to disappoint.

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