Overherd on Campus: First-Year Women fighting to be this week’s Fraternity Bowling “Chauffeur”

Maximus Bean, Satire Content Editor

In the past few days, Overherd, the University Instagram page centered around random quotes around campus, has been alight with first-year women clamoring about Fraternity bowling opportunities. 

Everyone knows about the Frat Trap, wherein senior fraternity brothers contact first-year girls for rides because they don’t feel like driving to the bowling alley. Of course, these poor women don’t understand the mistake they’re making due to their eventual close proximity to the frat guys. 

The issue of this, of course, has nothing to do with the inherent creepiness which leads to the atmosphere of discomfort produced by the relationship between 22 year old frat guys and 18 year old women around campus, but rather because of the frankly irresponsible amount of alcohol the frat guys bring into the vehicles. Not only do these thirty-packs increase the general weight of the car, creating issues with braking and acceleration, but they also create a risk for the driver, who might be struggling with the various on-campus pressures to drink. 

Besides, as everyone knows, alcohol and gasoline are an awful combination (Awful-tasting, of course). The question may come up: what do these designated driver-dames actually do when their all-male entourage goes into the alley for the night? Will they bowl with their compatriots? 

Hah! Not a chance. Not only do they not want a girl cramping their style (even after these girls literally drive them to the lanes), but as far as my sources are concerned (which are completely second-hand, by the way), they might not do anything at all. 

But you know what? It’s all worth it. Despite these leading ladies in the driver’s seat not being able to bowl or meaningfully participate in these activities, they do, indeed, receive a bowling jersey. 

So all of you Senior high schoolers out there, when you eventually do decide to come to Bucknell, don’t be afraid when a Senior frat dude happens to send you an invitation to a night of bowling spectatorship after stalking your Insta page: He and the boys probably just want a ride to the local alley. Since I’m a man though, I don’t have to worry about that. Good luck ladies!

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