Library adjusts floor rules for students whispering “Boo!”

Maximus Bean, Satire Editor

While the Bertrand Library is the go-to place for students looking for peace and quiet, this time of year presents a healthy(?) respite from that. 

To get students in the Halloween spirit, the library has relaxed some of its usually-strict silence rules. Every other day leading up to Halloween, students can get a “Boo Pass” that they can use to sneak up on unsuspecting studious students and scare them. 

While initial reports indicate that students may try and abuse this new implementation, the library administrators are confident in their efforts to celebrate the second most frightening time of the year (second to only Tax Day). 

“Let’s be honest here,” librarian Paige Turner said. “We want the students to come more often. The puzzles, games, food, and classified government documents aren’t enough anymore, so we’re doing our part to drum up some holiday spirit.” When asked about the potential of abuse for this new system, Turner laughed the question off. “Oh c’mon, it’s just for a few days! What could possibly go wrong?” 

In unrelated news, some students are choosing Carnegie over Bertrand for their Midterm studying. 

“I don’t know,” Yolanda Bokkdell, a student with a book in her hands, said. “It’s getting weird now. The frats set up a haunted house on the higher floors so we can’t really study there anymore.” As a result of this shocking statement, the Satire section bravely sent a correspondent up to said floors to investigate. 

The horrifying result was a 10/10 experience that should really be experienced by everyone. Wonderful costumes, the special effects were on point, and I don’t even know how they moved that giant Godzilla statue up the spiral staircase, but it set the mood perfectly! Sure the students on the ground and lower floors of the library were in clear earshot of the various usage of stock screams and auditory noises, but in the eyes of the Satire section, it is a noble and worthy sacrifice for this absolutely unforgettable experience. 

Ideally, every student should attend before any of the library staff catch on, or if the frats start demanding payment. Halloween is only a few days away, and if there’s anything a library should have, it’s consistent noise.

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