Due to cybersecurity threats, University installs extra-safe login credentials

Maximus Bean, Senior Writer

When logging into the University account, we all know the excruciating process. I press it, the Duo staff who run online security send me a text and, finally, I am allowed to grace the website of a University that costs thousands of my parents’ hard-earned dollars to attend. That is, until my parents hear about my physics grade and rescind their generous offer to help me out, forcing me to face the fact that perhaps this school was indeed “out of my league” like my guidance counselor warned… I digress.

Despite this rather “quick” and “simple” system that I repeat every… single… time logging in, the threats against our cybersecurity never cease. A few days ago the parents forum was aflame with hackers spitting vitriolic comments about housing and food costs.

Why bother with this extra security stuff anyway? Are they gonna find a picture of all my failing grades? Hack the school’s website and reduce tuition? None of that sounds like it would be so bad (especially that tuition thing), but is it really worth the hassle that students face every day? The time I take to log on could be spent hacking into my roommates account for extra swipes on my food card.

Duo’s motto on the login page is “Login Once, Logout Once.” However, this system is constantly forcing me to login, but I’m never logging out! This new “Extra-Safe” stuff is as close to nonsense as I can think of. Not only do I have to take a selfie of myself and send it to the Duo contractors, but now they have to “like” the picture before I have access. At least twice I’ve received photos and videos of these contractors pointing and laughing at me in reply. I didn’t know they could do that, but hey, now I know how unfashionable I am.

At this rate, the security systems of 2035 will make us take a little DNA sample to login. My parents still deny I’m their kid from time to time with this high tuition; I hope by then I can finally discredit their claim and get that inheritance money after all.

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